This Really Bugs Me

It happened - again.  Someone rudely commented about Joshua's hands.  And it bugs me because few seem to realize that missing a few fingers is no big deal.  And many people also fail to realize that that the poor guy is only  three but yet knows when people talk about his hands AND is very self-conscious about it. Now, we get a lot of really nice people that say how cute  he is, and they are genuinely curious about his adoption and how he's doing now.  But then, we have other people that aren't so nice.  People who are, I think, genuinely curious, but just downright rude about it.  

The other day, a neighbor lady who we haven't seen in years stopped by.  She'd never seen Joshua or Isaac before, so she she was interested in meeting them - but in the process she noticed Joshua's hands and immediately commented on them.  She grabbed his arm and started very indiscreetly examining his hands; then she started asking if the doctors could do anything about it.   She was so rude!  I was holding Joshua the whole time because he's still shy about meeting new people.....and this women was no exception.  He very obviously did not like her and pulled back from her.  The fact that she started stroking his face with her dagger hot red fingernails didn't help the matter.  It was so sad, because when they came back a few hours later, he immediately hid his little hand in his pocket.  People don't realize that he is very aware of when others talk about his hands.

What irritated me even further was the fact that once she was done giving Joshua the once over, she turned to Isaac and asked, "Is there anything wrong with him? Is he normal?"  I was just so taken aback by her crude question that I kind of mumbled something about him having a cleft palate but he's perfect to us. I mentioned that he had surgery for it last summer, to which she replied, "Oh, well, he doesn't look bad at all!"

After some serious thinking about it, now I KNOW what I will say in the future.  If anyone ever asks if anything is "wrong" with either one of my perfect little brothers, I'm simply saying "no".   Because it's downright true.   There is absolutely nothing wrong with either one of them.  They may look slightly different than some of us, but that doesn't change the way they are on the inside - who they are as a person.  

I wish I could have handled this women differently; now that I've given it some thought I wish I could re-do the whole scenario.  A lot of adoptive parents get extremely offended when others ask about their child's "special needs" - as their sister I don't mind a bit, if they are polite and discreet about it.  But it's when others start talking in front of Isaac and Joshua very rudely about their differences, as if they were weird or abnormal, well, that really bugs me.  It frustrates me because I know Joshua especially will have to eventually deal with these kind of people on his own - what I want to do is protect him from all the rude comments he will probably get.  Mom and Dad have some plans for how they are going to teach him to deal with it, but for now I want to try and head off as many "curious" people as I can......I know Joshua is self-conscious about his hands already and I guess it brings out the protective big sis in me!