Waiting - not my favorite thing

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him...."

(Psalm 37:7a)

I don't like waiting.  I don't like not knowing. I don't like wondering what's going to happen next.  I don't like being patient.

I like being in control of things...I'm not a dominant person, but I like having all my ducks in a row and things figured out.  New situations scare me - rather than take them head on I'd really rather just hide.

So what do you do when there's nothing to do BUT to wait? And trust?  

For a while, I tried convincing myself that this whole trust business was something I was pretty good at; you know,you just kind of, "trust God" and then do what needs to get done. Your way.  Because, God helps those who helps themselves (a well-known Biblical fact, of course) and the trusting part is really more of a theoretical concept....not necessarily something you'd actually do, right?

Right?

I mean, God doesn't really expect me to just give everything I've worked for up until now to Him, does He?  He wouldn't actually ask me to surrender every area of my life to Him...would He?  

No no no. Of course not.  He would understand, of course, that my dreams and my goals and my desires are quite important to the success of my life and my appearance and my purpose and.....well, ME, really.

Unfortunately, I'm finding out differently these days.  Unfortunately in the sense that it's dealing quite a blow to my sense of control.  Sometimes things change, situations come up, life happens, and control is literally the last thing you have.

I'm finding out that I can't change the things around me I don't like.  I can't alter circumstances that God has allowed into my life for whatever crazy reason.  

But mostly, I can't keep change from happening. It's inevitable. Things will always change. People will always change.  That's life.  

What a perfect opportunity to literally go running into the arms of the One Who never changes.  Ever.  

What we call "surrender" or "sacrifice" is simply giving God what He already owns anyway.  It's not like He's relieved when we give Him control over our lives - He doesn't need us.  And He already has control anyway.  It simply boils down to how we relate to God, not the other way around.  

There's something about just letting go and allowing God to do what He wants with my life that frees me to watch for what He's doing rather than worry if it will line up with my ten-point plan for life success or not.

Because honestly, I'd much rather be saying "Not thy will, but mine be done!"

I don't like giving the controls over to God.  In my self-absorbed stupor I like to think that, yeah, He IS God and everything, but He doesn't understand how much ________ means to me.  I seriously like to think that I know how to run my life way better than He would, since it's, you know, MINE?

And...there inlies the rub.  This happens to not be my life.  

It's His. 

So again, "surrendering" control to Jesus isn't doing Him a favor or anything. It's just giving Him what He already owns anyway.  

And I'm learning that He....kind of DOES know what He's doing.  Usually it's not till later that we get to find out why He took us certain directions.  But it is all for the best.  And God happens to have the advantage of seeing the whole picture.

In the famous words of Jim Elliot, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

I'm learning. Slowly. :-)